Healing sexual shame and trauma
A Kink in the Cure is a performance piece centered in the world of sexual trauma, kink, and BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism). Similar to The Vagina Monologues, the live performance, as well as the written work, includes stories from people who have a history of sexual abuse and trauma and explores how the practice of BDSM has had effect on their healing process.
Created by Tim Murray, A Kink the Cure was designed to explore the fascinating, and still hidden, stories of abuse survivors who identify as “kinky.” The piece provides a frank look at some uncomfortable truths about sexual abuse and violence in our culture. Focusing on the survivors’ experiences, Murray addresses the ways in which “kink” has acted as both a barrier and a benefit to those attempting to address the lingering shame and trauma resulting from their abuse.
"From interviews with multiple kinky folks to some social commentary on how BDSM play can both positively and negatively affect participants ... KITC allows for discussion around this incredibly fraught issue."
-Shanna Ph.D., M.Ed., ACS
Request for Consent
We are going to get into issues around sex, and bondage, and rape, and incest, and violence, and hurt, and love, and joy, and anger, and rope, and healing....
So with all of that in mind, do I have your consent to share those things with you? If not, please close this page. However, If you are nodding, or grinning, or in some other way giving consent then please, read on.
Here are a few of the voices you'll find within this work:
"I initially felt very concerned and embarrassed about my interest in …all this. I thought, perhaps it made me a bad person or somehow broken or damaged. My wife at the time was certain of it."
"Staring at the cattle prod in my hands, I realized that I had been faking so many of my emotions for so long."
"In a single moment, I was able to let go and really cry, something I hadn’t done in years. It felt so freeing, like a huge weight had lifted off of me."
"I was fascinated by kink even before my sexual trauma, probably since puberty. I was always excited by the "dangerousness" and exoticness of it. Kink used to mean safety and growth and strength, and then HE came along."
"I'm not sure what BDSM means to me just yet but I'm working on it. I do know this, it is a part of me, and I hope I can learn how to be okay with that."
"I still don't know WHY I get wet when I’m spanked or flogged. I do know that my partner likes it and appreciates me on many levels beyond my sexuality."
“A Kink in the Cure brought in students who had never come to kink or sexuality events before and sparked conversations in groups that wouldn’t have happened otherwise.”
"EVERYTHING FROM BITING AND PULLING HAIR, TO PLAYING WITH
KNIVES IN BED, CAN BE USED IN A CONSENSUAL AND SENSUAL MANNER. PUSH ME UP AGAINST THE WALL. HOLD ME DOWN. TELL ME WHAT TO DO."
Who we are
Ti Murray
therapeutic Kink Practitioner
(They/Them/Their)
Ti (tea) is the author of A Kink in the Cure and a Therapeutic Kink Practitioner. At their core, they are a believer in making the world a better place. By day, they consult with businesses and governments on cultural change strategies and disruptive transformation initiatives, coaching leaders in pursuit of their goals, and mediating conflict in relationships and the workplace. By night, they are advancing the evolution of society through sexual freedom education and kinky coaching, supporting local non-profits, and engaging with subversive social-change organizations. They carry a degree in Individualized Studies from Goddard College, where they focused on Behavioral Science with an emphasis on the use of BDSM as a tool for healing sexual shame and trauma.
Ti “switches” in nearly every way that they can. They are a gender-chaotic, polyamorous, switch. A Daddy-Pup, service top, and personal shopper, among other things. They hold a Certificate in Conflict Mediation, a Black Belt in Lean Process Improvement, and carry an authentic replica of The One Ring (just in case). They served on the boards of the Seattle Center for Sex Positive Culture and the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. Ti is available to deliver presentations and workshops on topics such as:
Balloon Animal Bondage
Privilege & Power
Consensual Sensual Touch
D/s Dynamics for Beginners
Finding YOUR Edge
Laughter Belongs in the Dungeon
kink coaching
and many others
Ali Wyles
Technial & Media Wizard
(She/her/hers)
Ali Wyles is the renaissance woman doing the majority of the off-stage KITC work. She is immensely proud to have played an instrumental role in moving A Kink in the Cure from a collection of essays to a compelling stage piece. She is a professional haikuist, an engineer, a sex activist, and a project manager.
She is a poly, kinky, pansexual, switchy Latina. She is a daughter, an aunt, a friend, and a lover. She is many things, and she is just like you: confused and saddened by a world which punishes so many of us for our very existence. Ali believes sharing our stories is a necessary step along the path to healing ourselves and our world. When we share our stories of pain, joy, and ecstasy we recognize ourselves in one another. She sees herself in almost every story she hears; when she doesn’t like what she sees, she changes it. She is lucky to love so many people including pretty men in skirts, gender-fluid beauties, and strong women who love minions. Ali holds degrees from Colorado College, the College-Conservatory of Music, and the Wentworth Institute of Technology. She lives in CO with her partner, two cats, and dog. Ali is a regular contributor on Medium, and you can read her work at medium.com/@ali.wyles.
Iszi Hull
Consent Seeker
(Ze/Zir/Zirs)
Iszi is a communications enthusiast and an experienced kink coach. Ze holds space for communication and collaboration to help people work together vulnerably and authentically in all areas of life. Iszi was an original reader for the KitC essay compilation and had the honor of quietly contributing consent considerations over the years. Iszi’s current passion project is Playing Around, a vlog sharing zirs life’s journey via the magic of Patreon.
Iszi is a gender-creative, kinky, pansexual, polyamorous switch. Ze is an eager helper, a kind supporter, a curious listener, and is continually striving to grow. Ze believes that understanding, connection, and kindness can change the world - and that KitC is an important tool for that change. Sometimes it’s easier to have compassion for others; seeing our similarities through shared stories can lead us to kindness with ourselves.
Iszi comes to this work with a lifetime of experience with conscious thought, intentional living, and considered communication. Ze lives on the road with zirs nesting partner and the many wonderful humans who shelter them. You can share zirs journey via Patreon at patreon.com/playingaround or Instagram @playingaroundjourney